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Complain, Complain, Complain

I was going to complain about a couple things that happened at work today, but instead I'm going to relay a magical embarrassing incident that happened to me while I was in college. This is a true story.

On a crisp Fall afternoon, I geared up to exit Ryder Hall at Northeastern University after class and I prepared myself for the lovely experience that always ensues when one takes the Orange Line out of Ruggles station. I gazed up at the clock and smiled as my fellow students also triumplantly gathered their belongings in a rush to scoot out the door. Afternoon classes had finished and everyone was psyched. Before I made my way to Ruggles station, I decided that I better stop and use the can. I can't stand the feeling of having to pee and not being able to do anything about it. I entered the girls bathroom on the first floor of Ryder Hall and unfortunately had to wait for there were about 3 other girls ahead of me in line. Surprise surprise. After impatiently waiting for several minutes while listenting to the three clucking hens talk about he said she said bullshit, I quickly ran into the stall, did my business in one swoop, pulled my jeans up in a huff, exited the stall, washed my hands, and abruptly left the restroom. Feeling on top of the world after that...I proceeded out the doors of Ryder Hall and strolled over to Ruggles station. Now mind you...I was wearing jeans, a belly shirt, and my big black minnie mouse shoes (for those of you who know me, you know the shoes)...I LOVE those shoes. Sure they make me about 6'1...but I absolutely adore them. They're my power shoes...I feel good when I wear them. But considering that this is Northeastern University, I stuck out like a sore thumb next to all the Abercrombie jocks and American Eagle ho's. So I walked my bum over to Ruggles feeling like a sexy beast in my cool outfit. I waited for the train...got on the train...and took it all the way to Wellington where my car was parked in the garage. Wellington is QUITE the place! Well not really...but you used to have to take this mechanical tram over to the parking garage. They recently got rid of the tram because it was a big pain in the ass to upkeep and it kept breaking. Regardless...I pressed the button to call the tram to come over from the parking garage to pick me up. I stood there waiting patiently with one other guy....he was rather clean cut...maybe in his 40's...he looked like he left work early or something (by this point it was about 3 pm). The tram comes...the nightmare begins.

The two of us entered the tram and the doors closed. I stood despite there being available seats because the ride over to the parking garage is literally 1 minute long. The other man stood as well. All of the sudden...he says:"Um...I don't know how to tell you this, it's kind of embarrassing..." My cheeks turned red...was he speaking to me? "You have...something hanging out the back...there..." His stubby finger pointed gingerly toward my nether-region. To my horror...I pulled a trail of toilet paper about 2 feet long out of the butt of my jeans...out of my Hanes underwear...out of...my asscrack. My heart leapt up into my throat. Had I not just so confidently strutted my stuff from Ryder Hall to Ruggles to Wellington with a 2 foot piece of dangly toilet paper trailing from my butt??? Had I seriously done that?? I HAD!! And this poor soul told me. I don't know what would be worse...if he hadn't of told me...or the fact that he DID!At that point, the embarrassment set in so badly that tears formed in my eyeballs...and I utilized the empty seat. In a matter of 15 seconds...I had gone from Queenie to TP Trailer! I held that balled up piece of toilet paper in my little sweaty hand and prayed that the guy wouldn't look me in the eye again. The tram stopped...I stormed out...and threw that piece of ass toilet paper on the ground. Take that!I guess the moral of the story is...whenever you think you're hot shit...I've got a news flash for you...you probably aren't.

HAHA Reprinted by the kind permission of Cindy Lou Spoiler